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12 Lesser-Known Symptoms of ‘Over-Tanning’

Patricia Krentcil
NBC

The ‘tanning mom’ of New Jersey has upset a lot of mothers, tanning salon owners and just about anyone with a central nervous system and a basic sense of moral decency or sanity.

Patricia Krentcil helped coin the term “tannorexia” when she allegedly took her five-year-old daughter to a tanning salon to get a bit of bronzing done, earning her a second-degree felony charge and the scorn of a nation. The case has raised new awareness of this addictive condition and the people who suffer from it. Here are some ways to tell that you might be among those afflicted.

1. People keep asking for your autograph because they think you are either John Boehner or C-3PO.

2. You constantly smell bacon cooking.

3. All photos taken of you are a photo negative of a photo negative.

4. The sun has to squint its eyes to look at you.

5. You feel as though you could burst into flames at any second — and you’re not driving a Pinto.

6. Al Gore blames you by name for depleting the ozone layer.

7. You often light matches by striking them on your forehead.

8. Whenever you go hunting, you’re the only one who doesn’t need to wear camouflage.

9. You went to a Halloween party as the Oscar statue without wearing a costume.

10. You blend easily to recently varnished furniture.

11. Your presence makes people think they are in the future because robots are walking amongst them.

12. People constantly try to sell you to Goldline.

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