Cassandra Rose

Douchebag extraordinaire Joe Francis, the founder of 'Girls Gone Wild,' took an innocuous mention of his scantily-clad lady franchise uttered by 'Twilight' star Robert Pattinson and ran with it -- offering the sparkly vampire $100,000 to appear in one of his videos.

Presumably with his shirt on.

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Lindsay Lohan will sadly not be amusing us via a one-on-one interview with ABC's Barbara Walters as planned, because for some reason all the network wants to talk about is how much of a trainwreck LiLo is.

UNPOSSIBLE.

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We're guessing the cash flow situation for Lindsay Lohan is pretty dire, since she recently dispatched younger sister Ali to sell off her used clothing, shoes and accessories, presumably to raise money for her enormous tax bill.

Alms for the poor ... alms for the poor ...

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John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, that dynamic duo from 'Grease,' have joined forces to assault your ears and ruin all your Christmas cheer with their holiday themed song, 'I Think You Might Like It.'

Spoiler alert: We didn't.

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On the sadly soon-to-be-canceled 'Anderson Live,' host Anderson Cooper discussed losing his eyesight for a whole 36 hours last week while filming a segment for '60 Minutes.'

Where we we when this was happening? We missed the opportunity to walk into Anderson Cooper's hands and let him cop an unwitting feel.

Ugh. Regrets.

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- Eddie Murphy is the most overpaid actor in Hollywood. Quelle surprise.

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Marrying a cardboard likeness of Edward Cullen might not be as crazy as it sounds. Okay, it's kind of crazy, but not in the “I want to give birth like Bella and have my husband bite my baby's umbilical cord off with his teeth” crazy.

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Yes, Ashton Kutcher will still be starring as Steve Jobs in the biopic tentatively titled 'jOBS,' and yes, we still think they should consider changing the name.

Maybe 'iJobs.' Or 'Steve iJobs.' Or 'Steve Jobs Now Lives in the iClouds.' Something.

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A royal baby is on the way for Prince William and Kate Middleton, and who better to give them tips on pregnancy and childcare than 'Jersey Shore' star Snooki.

Trust her -- she's been a mom for four whole months to one baby who's still alive. Isn't that enough?

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OMG you guys, you'll like never guess what happened to Nick Lachey after school today. He totally got kicked out of a San Diego Chargers football game. WHATTA REBEL!

Ahem.

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'Twas a month after Halloween and all through New York, Heidi Klum was hosting a gala to benefit Hurricane Sandy victims. With Santa of course.

FINE WE AREN'T POETS.

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Just when he thought it was safe to stay in the closet, John Travolta is being sued by a supposed former gay lover for not being allowed to tattle to the media about their love affair.

Sorry, alleged love affair.

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