Man Sues BMW After Motorcycle Gives Him Never-ending Erection

Henry Wolf of California is suing BMW America and aftermarket seatmaker Corbin-Pacific because he’s had a non-stop hard-on for 20 months after a four-hour ride on his 1993 BMW motorcycle.

According to the lawsuit he is “now is unable to engage in sexual activity, which is causing him substantial emotional and mental anguish.” Does he know there’s a lucrative career waiting for him in porn?

In response, a professor of urology stated, “It’s been long-known that compression of the neurovascular supply to the penis —  if it’s compressed for a period of time, whether it be on a bicycle seat or some other device — it can actually cause prolonged numbness of the genitalia.” So, that settles it. If you’re going on your honeymoon, take a long ride on a Harley, you should be good to go for the full 1-2 weeks.

This Henry sounds like a wimp. Every guy knows to tuck that in your waistband. Der.

We wonder if Mr. Wolf’s tried the methods suggested in ’40 Year Old Virgin’ when Andy calls the hotline operator who says:

“If you’d like the erection to go away, you can light a match, blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. And that will focus the brain elsewhere, and you will lose your erection…Take your finger and flick your testicle, and if you do that till it hurts, your erection will go away.”