The 10 Commandments of Being a Blonde
Being blonde comes with a lot of responsibilities, but also many perks.
Over the years, my hair has been several different colors (last year at this time I had lavender hair), but the one color I love the most is blonde. I'm one of the lucky ones who was born this way and the one time I dyed my hair brown my mother cried, "But I worked so hard to make you a blonde!" Needless to say, she prefers my hair to be what the good Lord gave me, and I'm perfectly fine with that. See, being a blonde is like being a part of an unspoken society. We have more fun, we turn more heads, and we welcome anyone who is willing to dump their head in a bucket of bleach to join us.
However, there are commandments we must live by when it comes to having hair kissed by the sun. Let's take a look shall we?
1. Thou Shalt Always Have More Fun
Whether having the time of your life or powering through the insufferable, we have a responsibility to be the life of the party. No time for pouting in the corner. We are called to be vibrant and happy. Be the ray of sunshine, my friends.
2. Thou Shalt Not Add Feul to the Jokes
We've all head the blonde jokes before, every single one. As a blonde you have a major responsibility to not add fuel to that fire. Rise above the blonde moments, think carefully before speaking. The last thing we need is for word to get back to underground headquarters that someone asked if tuna was chicken or fish. #FacePalm
3. Thou Shalt Never Under-Bleach
If you're going blonde, go blonde. Don't settle for halfway. You can never be too blonde. Remember, unless your eyes are burning and your scalp is itching, you're not doing it right.
4. Thou Shalt Never Shame a Fake
So what is Suzie in accounting was once a brunette, but walked into the office on Monday with blonde locks. We must always welcome them in. Suzie looks better as a blonde and for that we must always remain inclusive.
5. Thou Shalt Never Over-Chlorinate
Summer time is almost here. Do not spend more time under water than above. Chlorine is not your friend. Let's not relive the summer of 1994 when your hair featured green streaks before they were officially cool.
6. Thou Shalt Experiment with the Rainbow
We are blessed to be blonde. Our light colored hair makes it easier to jump on board with the latest color trends. No need to bleach before coloring. Dunk your head in purple, blue or green or spring for the hair chalk and Coachella yourself out!
7. Thou Shalt Always Heat Protect
As blondes our hair can tend to be thin and fragile, especially after bleaching. Never fry your hair just to get the perfect curl. Crispy baby hairs that frame the face was so early 2000's, along with over-plucked eyebrows and flare jeans.
8. Thou Shalt Swear by Purple Shampoo
Blonde hair is delicate. Whether natural, highlighted or bleached, nothing destroys the vibrancy of blonde hair than over-washing. First, never wash more than three times a week. Second, use your purple shampoo two times a month to maintain the brilliance of your blonde, especially if it has been toned. And never over-condition.
9. Thou Shalt Try a Red Lip
It's simple and classic. A pop of red on the lips of a blonde can take a plain Norma Jean to Marilyn Monroe status with one pucker. #InMarilynWeTrust
10. Thou Shalt Remain Humble
Being blonde is reserved for a special breed of women. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's a certain quality to blondes that makes them so unique from the inside out. Heck, why else would they call us bombshells? But remember to reign it in sometimes. It's healthy. It may even make your hair look better.
**Note: please tell me you didn't take any of this seriously**