Ellie Goulding Reveals Battle With Panic Attacks: It Wasn’t ‘Glamorous’
"I started having panic attacks, and the scariest part was it could be triggered by anything," she said. "I used to cover my face with a pillow whenever I had to walk outside from the car to the studio. My new life as a pop star certainly wasn’t as glamorous as all my friends from home thought. Secretly, I was really struggling physically and emotionally.”
And, Goulding said that the more famous she got, the more the pressure to perform compounded. There was a point at which she completely doubted her talent, she said.
“I was scared I wasn’t as good of a singer as everyone I thought I was," she said. "And as the stakes grew, I was afraid of letting everyone, including myself, down. I was scared I wasn’t as good of a singer as everyone thought I was. And as the stakes grew, I was afraid of letting everyone, including myself, down.”
Now, Goulding's learned how to cope with her conditions — things like kickboxing and fitness regimens have helped to ease her stress levels. And while she's not completely healed, she said she's doing much better.
“I still feel nervous before performing, or have pangs of anxiety from time to time, but it’s not crippling like it used to be," she said. "It took time, but I’ve accepted that everyone feels nervous before they perform — it’s not just me. And now that I believe in myself more, that confidence comes through, whether I’m working out, singing onstage, or just hanging out by myself at home."
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