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The Ten Commandments of Dating a Horse Girl


I’ve always heard that horseback riding is the second most expensive sport, second only to sailing… As it turns out, there’s not a ton of sailing in northwest Louisiana… so chances are, you’ll meet a ‘horsey’ girl at some point. Be ready to open your wallet if you want to hang with a horse girl boys!

We all know at least one girl obsessed with horses. She’s the one who incessantly doodled ponies on her notebooks during school… She begged her parents for a pony non-stop from the time she could walk. Horse girls think that talking about what type of fly spray works best on flies AND horse flies is scintillating conversation…

Sure, you may feel like a fish out of water with a horse girl, but hang around. Horse girls tend to have a great work ethic, compassion, empathy and more… You’ll just need to keep the following things in mind…


The Horse



The world starts and stops with ‘the horse.’ If you’re at dinner and she gets a call saying something is wrong with ‘the horse,’ you might as well ask for the check before she ever hangs up because you’re heading to the barn whether she’s in heels or not… all else falls to the wayside when ‘the horse’ is in distress…



Eye Candy



Most men that hang with horse girls learned the hard way that if you go with her to the barn, that their job is to hold various pieces of equipment and provide the eye candy. Straight men in a barn populated mostly by women are rare. You’re job is to look pretty and watch adoringly while she showers attention on ‘the horse’ instead of you.






If you’re smart enough to pocket a peppermint from the last time you went through the Sonic drive thru to give ‘the horse’ a treat, you’ll gain mega points. When you bring treats, that means you hold ‘the horse’ in high esteem. Just make sure to ask ‘mom’ if ‘the horse’ can have treats before you feed them. You never know, ‘the horse’ might get a belly ache from too many apples!



Horse Apples



At most horse shows that you haul to, it’s considered good form to leave your stall clean. That means, the last thing you do when you’re loading up is have to grab a wheelbarrow and pitchfork. If you did this for her, you’d pretty much reach rockstar status.






If there isn’t a picture or video, how can you prove that it happened. Much like moms with young children, horse girls find pictures of their horse endlessly fascinating… even if ‘the horse’ is just standing there looking bored.






Jewelry and candy are appropriate gifts for most women, but for a horse girl, you’re better off if you get her something for she and her horse. It doesn’t matter she already owns 43 saddle pads, she NEEDS more!






If you don’t already own a truck that’s capable of pulling a horse trailer when you start dating a horse girl, you will.



Horse Hair Everywhere



If you date a horse girl, life is bound to get a bit more casual. Not only will she show up to your dinner date in her breeches because she came directly from the barn, if you don’t have leather seats, it’ll be stuck for life in your upholstery. Don’t get my husband started on washing and drying saddle pads and blankets at the house. It’s the price you’ll pay!



The Trainer



A horse girl’s trainer is her personal messiah. The trainer knows all and your horse girl will take every opinion as the gospel. Don’t ever cross a horse girl’s trainer. It won’t end well for you.



You are Second



This isn’t a religious statement. Just be prepared, I’m letting you know up front, if you date a horse girl, ‘the horse’ will always come first!


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