Okay, the first thing you notice (after the rosy facial centerpiece) is the ultra-sophisticated patio decor. Where exactly does one buy a plaster dog like that? But good taste aside...

The ol' boy is, without a doubt, the most annoying, obnoxious fan in the history of histrionics! "LSU", he says. "Stands for Les' stupid urchins!" Urchins? What is this, football or a Dickens novel? And perhaps saddest of all, he thinks he's bringing the "A" game.

We gotta win! We can't lose to this guy...EVER!