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My Dietitian is Evil

Ethan Miller, Getty Images

So, I’ve been seeing this Nutrition Counselor for a few months now. Every month, I sit with her and she talks to me about food choices and how to make better ones. Although, I’m being forced to see her, I’ve tried to have an open mind about it, because I found it kinda interesting. She’s given some really good advice but I’m discovering, that she’s kinda …intolerant. Here’s a run down of my appointments:

December: She asked what all I ate. I thought she meant like food prefs, so I start telling her all kinds of things. Then I realize she is not asking if I like hot tea occasionally, she’s asking if I drink it regularly. Fail. So, it becomes apparent that there is a communication issue, and considering that I have been in the communication industry for pretty much my whole life, I’m not too sure that I’m the one that miscommunicated, but whatever. So, she gives me a list of eating this many food groups per meal and sends me on my way.

January: I filled out my food diary for about 2 weeks, but I lost it…found it again, but then forgot it in my car when I got to the appointment. Oops. So, I asked her some questions and she told me to exercise and drink water more. I leave.

February: I bring the papers that I forgot to bring last time, and brought some more from the previous month. Ok, so they were partially filled out, but I did make an effort. She shows me an app for my smart phone- I’m convinced I can do this.

March: I bring my smart phone to her and show her what I logged. Now, side note, I had been hospitalized for about a week. I filled my food diary up regularly up until I started developing a problem that led me into the hospital.

So, she goes off on me. She asks me why I decided to eat something that she didn’t like, instead of eating something else. I told her that I ate only half of it, and I really didn’t think it was THAT bad of a choice, but obviously it wasn’t as good as grilled chicken with cabbage or something. There were several weeks where I tried really hard. I COUNTED GRAPES for crying out loud…but all she could say is how I need to not eat Girl Scout cookies (even though I stayed within my range of what I can eat! lol)

So, ok, maybe I don’t get it as well as she does. But I really do have a busy and complicated life… I WANT to tell her that I live an hour away from life, have 2 jobs, live with 2 kids, one who has cancer, and I’m trying to move….when I’m not being randomly hospitalized. So, I’m sorry that I am unable to fully plan my meals a every day in advance…and when I do, half of the time, I forget it at home. She’s not big on excuses, and frankly, I don’t want to see her face squinch up and go off on how I just need to try harder and stop trying to count moving heavy boxes for hours as exercise.

So, it’s been almost a week and I haven’t written down anything- nothing. Because obviously all the lunches of tuna and breakfasts of yogurt and fruit mean jack, if you happen to eat pop corn chicken in the same week.

Whatever.

So, I think I’m just going to smile, and tell her I did everything she told me to, and when she asks why I didn’t lose 40 pounds in 1 month, I will just smile and nod in disbelief as well.

You know, I understand having a job that is frustrating. I’m sure she hates seeing person after person who doesn’t try or just tells her what she wants to hear. But you know, I am not seeing her because I need another mother to endlessly nag at me or tell me how I can do things better. I have one already, and she’s not even like this lady.

I want to figure out how to tell her that she might get more results with people if she was encouraging, instead of nasty. But, obviously, that’s not something she’s capable of doing. So, excuse me while I hunt down some Girl Scout cookies. lol

 

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